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New Beginnings

Not Looking Back

JM Perez By JM Perez3 min read607 views

“When a thing is done, it’s done. Don’t look back. Look forward to your next objective.” — George C. Marshall

While pursuing my graduate degree, I befriend a wonderful person with whom I worked on various projects. During the course of our friendship we shared so much about each other. This person was pleasant all around except when asked about his family. At first it was just a “there’s nothing much to say about my family.” Being naive at the time and not quite grasping his point, I asked again a month later and he told me his story. He was in a much better place.

As sad as it may be, some people are born into the wrong family. When the environment becomes toxic, when you feel like you are running out of oxygen, when your life seems to be on a timer around such individuals and life presents you with some challenging circumstances, it’s time to move on.

A good family is essential to an individual’s well-being. Family is wonderful when everyone comes together in a loving way and lift each other up. Unfortunately not everyone is lucky enough to be born into one. No one should waste their time pleasing others for the sake of togetherness or the fear of being alone. At the end of each day we only feel hurt and broken inside. I know the feeling too well as I went through that myself.

Image Source: PictureQuotes.com.
Image Source: PictureQuotes.com.

Of course, there’s always the possibility of reconciliations. I love second chances. I love to give and I am grateful to receive. I know that everything positive and sought with love is always uplifting and healing. My mind, which I programmed long ago to only see beauty in the World, is starting to rebel. I must accept fate. I must accept to let go, to never look back and never regret because I gave my best and held on tight until the end.

Today I was reminded by a sibling about a fact I always held to be true. That truth, believe it or not, was the last push I needed to completely free myself from the bondage that I have been living in. I am accepting the things I cannot change; however, I will distance myself from and no longer tolerate them.

“I have learned that to be with those I like is enough.” — Walt Whitman

Being with people who have our happiness at heart and a genuine interest in us is a huge blessing. Self accountability, accepting the things we cannot change and learning from our failures is the greatest remedy to Happiness. Knowing and understanding that as desirable as material things are, they can never replace the joy we feel when surrounded by people who love us. As for me, I hold those I care about close at heart.

Just because we lived a certain way from the start doesn’t mean we should continue living that way. Also, being part of a circle doesn’t mean we must stick together till the end.

It is possible to create beauty from ruins, just like a Phoenix, rising from its ashes.

Scripture: 1 John 2:19

JM Perez By JM Perez3 min read523 views

Relationships can be a double-edged word. Like domesticated animals, everything is alright until they come biting you for little to no apparent reason.

“They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us.” – 1 John 2:19 (KJV)

Like everything else in my Life, I took my job seriously and looking back, I almost became a workaholic. I tried as hard as I could to keep an ongoing communication with the outside World and me. I wasn’t as available as I would have loved to be and I didn’t realize how committed I was to my work. I was excited about a potential promotion. It became tricky to make time for Family, Friends and it seemed there were not enough hours in a day to do what I wanted to do. I had responsibilities, deadlines to meet and my sanity to keep in check.

Little by little, without realizing and/or inciting, I started distancing myself from others (and vise versa). Some people were happy for me and stood patiently beside me. Others simply couldn’t bear the silence and absence and decided to keep moving until I caught up to their rhythm, which I totally understood. One individual, whom I never expected and didn’t think was capable of, saw an opportunity to start a feud. That was eight years ago.

It happened at a time when I was deep in prayer for the right direction regarding the relationship. Looking back, I believe this was inevitable. Though not perfect, I was a faithful friend. However, to be blamed for not supporting a hurtful and hateful decision and to be asked to go against my belief – that to me, was the last straw. Keep in mind that, prior to this, I had my own sanity to keep in check. I have always believed that the Lord works in mysterious ways and I know He freed me from a load which wasn’t mine to carry.

Image Source:
Image Source: InspirationBoost.com

I know a little bit about cutting cords and I have learned over the past years when to hang on and when to let go. Often times we stay in a relationship because we are scared of the unknown and we do not believe we can make it on our own. Because we do not believe in ourselves and in possibilities.

“No one is ever alone and silence does not equate defeat.” ― Joan Ambu

Some relationships are meant to be and others not so much. You can know someone all your life and then, out of the blue, the relationship ends. Does it mean either one or both individuals were bad? Maybe, but I think not. It just means that their chapter in the story of each others life is over at that particular moment. Parting and cutting cords doesn’t give us the right to hate or hurt each other. Besides, how does one begin to belittle someone or something he/she once loved without belittling him/her self in the process? Does it hurt? Yes and it will hurt until you learn to take charge of your Life and emotions. Should you regret ever knowing the person? Absolutely not. Hold on to the good memories and move forward with your Life. Our encounter with one another is a life lesson.

Love and Air are two of a few things which should be free. Do not force anything which doesn’t come naturally and remember that those who leave us, were never really with us. What’s the point holding on to them?

Parting In Love

JM Perez By JM Perez2 min read653 views

Nothing is as hard as letting go. Remember your past relationships? Whether they were stagnant, unhealthy or abusive; letting go seemed impossible and painful. The fear of the unknown often discourages people to let go, even when they know that they are unhappy or worst, that there is nothing to hold on to.

Before I befriend someone, I must meet their heart, too. I don’t care much about the mind because the mind, as we all know is a strange element. The heart on the other side is not dark by nature; we train it to be. People will always come and go, but memories will live on.

"If we do meet again, we'll smile indeed; If not, 'tis true this parting was well made." - William Shakespeare
Parting Well Made. Image Source.

Prior to letting go of a relation that no longer serves me, I pray for enlightenment and I let the person know about my decision. I thank him/her for having been part of my life, for all the good memories and wish him/her well before my last goodbye. Going this route reduces misunderstandings and prevents hearsay. Parting is never easy; but letting go of a relation that no longer serves you is the right thing to do. The extra weight of an unhealthy relation is damaging. Once you let go of such a weight you can then move on and no longer have the burden to worry about that person. Expressing truth with love is liberating. It’s like inhaling a deep breath of fresh air.

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV)

You only have one life to live and you cannot reset time. Choose your relationships wisely. Be a good example to yourself and embrace life to the fullest.