Cutting Cords

Not Looking Back

JM Perez By JM Perez3 min read607 views

“When a thing is done, it’s done. Don’t look back. Look forward to your next objective.” — George C. Marshall

While pursuing my graduate degree, I befriend a wonderful person with whom I worked on various projects. During the course of our friendship we shared so much about each other. This person was pleasant all around except when asked about his family. At first it was just a “there’s nothing much to say about my family.” Being naive at the time and not quite grasping his point, I asked again a month later and he told me his story. He was in a much better place.

As sad as it may be, some people are born into the wrong family. When the environment becomes toxic, when you feel like you are running out of oxygen, when your life seems to be on a timer around such individuals and life presents you with some challenging circumstances, it’s time to move on.

A good family is essential to an individual’s well-being. Family is wonderful when everyone comes together in a loving way and lift each other up. Unfortunately not everyone is lucky enough to be born into one. No one should waste their time pleasing others for the sake of togetherness or the fear of being alone. At the end of each day we only feel hurt and broken inside. I know the feeling too well as I went through that myself.

Image Source: PictureQuotes.com.
Image Source: PictureQuotes.com.

Of course, there’s always the possibility of reconciliations. I love second chances. I love to give and I am grateful to receive. I know that everything positive and sought with love is always uplifting and healing. My mind, which I programmed long ago to only see beauty in the World, is starting to rebel. I must accept fate. I must accept to let go, to never look back and never regret because I gave my best and held on tight until the end.

Today I was reminded by a sibling about a fact I always held to be true. That truth, believe it or not, was the last push I needed to completely free myself from the bondage that I have been living in. I am accepting the things I cannot change; however, I will distance myself from and no longer tolerate them.

“I have learned that to be with those I like is enough.” — Walt Whitman

Being with people who have our happiness at heart and a genuine interest in us is a huge blessing. Self accountability, accepting the things we cannot change and learning from our failures is the greatest remedy to Happiness. Knowing and understanding that as desirable as material things are, they can never replace the joy we feel when surrounded by people who love us. As for me, I hold those I care about close at heart.

Just because we lived a certain way from the start doesn’t mean we should continue living that way. Also, being part of a circle doesn’t mean we must stick together till the end.

It is possible to create beauty from ruins, just like a Phoenix, rising from its ashes.

Kindness Goes a Long Way

JM Perez By JM Perez2 min read562 views

“You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

The past couple of weeks have been quite a roller coaster for me with mix feelings. I reflected a lot about my life and the path I wanted to follow. I spent quite some time figuring out how to break a very unhealthy bond and set my mind free. As painful as it is to end a relationship, it is always the right thing to do. When you come to the realization that nothing you do or say will change a situation, then it is time you end the story, turn the page, move on and begin a new chapter in your Life. Second chances at life are rare. How do we account for wasted years?

They say that things have a funny way of working themselves out and it’s true. I was set free by the same individual whom I have been praying to distance myself from and I am very grateful for their obnoxious act which worked in my favor.  Thankfully for me, that is one less headache to worry about. I am free and I gained peace of mind.

Our Neighbors Gift Cards.
Outback Steakhouse Restaurant Gift Card

Our neighbors graced us with a set of gift cards for Outback Steakhouse and a beautiful heartfelt Thank You card in appreciation for all our help and unconditional love. They often refer to us as their God sent Angels and this time wasn’t any different. As I gently hugged the husband, I felt as though they were our God sent. On one hand I was dealing with an individual who went through their life causing division amongst us and spreading hatred. Here I was in the arms of a Man whom I have only known for the last seven years. A Man who thinks I am an amazing Spiritual being, who uplifts my Spirit and understands the true essence of living.

“I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.”
― Romans 16:17 (NIV)

Everything will be just fine. This, I know for sure.

Breaking The Bond

JM Perez By JM Perez1 min read591 views

For being one of those individuals who are quick to comfort, nurture and help others get back on their feet, I realize today that I have been holding back on my own healing process; thus I have failed to embrace Happiness to its fullest. Like the saying goes, you keep doing the same old and you will keep getting the same old.

"To get up each morning with the resolve to be happy... is to set our own conditions to the events of each day. To do this is to condition circumstances instead of being conditioned by them." ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
Image Source: Oprah.com

Today I Resolve to be Happy and I will be Happy.
Today I am breaking the bond and rejecting negative thoughts and people.

Scripture: 1 John 2:19

JM Perez By JM Perez3 min read523 views

Relationships can be a double-edged word. Like domesticated animals, everything is alright until they come biting you for little to no apparent reason.

“They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us.” – 1 John 2:19 (KJV)

Like everything else in my Life, I took my job seriously and looking back, I almost became a workaholic. I tried as hard as I could to keep an ongoing communication with the outside World and me. I wasn’t as available as I would have loved to be and I didn’t realize how committed I was to my work. I was excited about a potential promotion. It became tricky to make time for Family, Friends and it seemed there were not enough hours in a day to do what I wanted to do. I had responsibilities, deadlines to meet and my sanity to keep in check.

Little by little, without realizing and/or inciting, I started distancing myself from others (and vise versa). Some people were happy for me and stood patiently beside me. Others simply couldn’t bear the silence and absence and decided to keep moving until I caught up to their rhythm, which I totally understood. One individual, whom I never expected and didn’t think was capable of, saw an opportunity to start a feud. That was eight years ago.

It happened at a time when I was deep in prayer for the right direction regarding the relationship. Looking back, I believe this was inevitable. Though not perfect, I was a faithful friend. However, to be blamed for not supporting a hurtful and hateful decision and to be asked to go against my belief – that to me, was the last straw. Keep in mind that, prior to this, I had my own sanity to keep in check. I have always believed that the Lord works in mysterious ways and I know He freed me from a load which wasn’t mine to carry.

Image Source:
Image Source: InspirationBoost.com

I know a little bit about cutting cords and I have learned over the past years when to hang on and when to let go. Often times we stay in a relationship because we are scared of the unknown and we do not believe we can make it on our own. Because we do not believe in ourselves and in possibilities.

“No one is ever alone and silence does not equate defeat.” ― Joan Ambu

Some relationships are meant to be and others not so much. You can know someone all your life and then, out of the blue, the relationship ends. Does it mean either one or both individuals were bad? Maybe, but I think not. It just means that their chapter in the story of each others life is over at that particular moment. Parting and cutting cords doesn’t give us the right to hate or hurt each other. Besides, how does one begin to belittle someone or something he/she once loved without belittling him/her self in the process? Does it hurt? Yes and it will hurt until you learn to take charge of your Life and emotions. Should you regret ever knowing the person? Absolutely not. Hold on to the good memories and move forward with your Life. Our encounter with one another is a life lesson.

Love and Air are two of a few things which should be free. Do not force anything which doesn’t come naturally and remember that those who leave us, were never really with us. What’s the point holding on to them?

Lifestyle Choices

JM Perez By JM Perez3 min read538 views

I have been feeling like an embryo in my Mother’s womb; able to hear people’s conversations, to feel their pain, but unable to help out. There is a contagious virus going around robbing individuals of their sight, blinding them with a lie, stripping them of their most priceless possession they will come to own and placing uncertainty on their mind.
Some people, when faced with tragedy, meltdown, deception, disappointments, betrayal (you name it) are too quick to point the finger at others, too quick to give up and get out rather than stand tough and work things out.

Due to the amount of pain I am witnessing around me, I’ve been thinking about Lifestyle choices and couldn’t help but wonder if they sometimes cause us more damage than good? We are always so obsessed with focusing on material things or looking for something (supposedly bigger and/or better) that we are never really able to enjoy what we have, that we are never really in touch with ourselves. This can often be seen in relationships and such choices make a huge difference between Happiness and  despair, between love and heartache.

“Do not nurse hatred in your heart for any of your relatives. Confront people directly so you will not be held guilty for their sin.” ― Leviticus 19:17 (NLT)

We are all victims of the bad economy. So many of us have lost our homes, our jobs and in extreme cases, our self-esteem. Are these reasons valid enough to take them a step further by pointing fingers, threatening and ending a relationship? Is the loss of a loved one more important than the well-being of the living? Is the pain so unbearable that we believe inflicting it on others might give us some closure or help us heal faster? How does one treat a sibling wrongly, turning family members against a sibling and then play the victim?

Source: PositiveMed.com.
Source: PositiveMed.com.

How do we go from loving someone one minute to hating them the next?
Cutting Cords is sometimes necessary to end an unloving relationship and take time to heal. For instance, when a couple’s needs become incompatible or when they stop having the same vision. If it ever comes down to that, the best approach is to Part in Love, ending the relationship with Love and Respect for one another.

We are a Society who have come to believe that silence is the ultimate treatment for those who don’t see things our way. In other words, we think that withholding communication to others is as effective as punishing them. Hatred for someone or something is a weakness as it doesn’t make us think straight. When we are consumed by anger and consciously decide not to let go, we are actually inflicting more pain unto ourselves. Lingering on robs us of so much and leaves us empty. We attract so much negative energy, our heart darkens, we become deaf to the voice of reason and we are unable to receive the healing grace of God.

“Love is not a dead sentence and should never be used as a weapon of destruction.” ― Joan Ambu

Our daily decisions can either help us move forward and excel in life or hold us back. The choice is always ours. Too often we change/rearrange things when ideally we should be supportive, patient, understanding and loving while things fall into place on their own. Our Lifestyle choices reflect our values, determine our future and can either empower us to do great things or drive us to lose what is most important.

“Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.” ― Romans 13:8 (ESV)