People

Not Looking Back

JM Perez By JM Perez3 min read611 views

“When a thing is done, it’s done. Don’t look back. Look forward to your next objective.” — George C. Marshall

While pursuing my graduate degree, I befriend a wonderful person with whom I worked on various projects. During the course of our friendship we shared so much about each other. This person was pleasant all around except when asked about his family. At first it was just a “there’s nothing much to say about my family.” Being naive at the time and not quite grasping his point, I asked again a month later and he told me his story. He was in a much better place.

As sad as it may be, some people are born into the wrong family. When the environment becomes toxic, when you feel like you are running out of oxygen, when your life seems to be on a timer around such individuals and life presents you with some challenging circumstances, it’s time to move on.

A good family is essential to an individual’s well-being. Family is wonderful when everyone comes together in a loving way and lift each other up. Unfortunately not everyone is lucky enough to be born into one. No one should waste their time pleasing others for the sake of togetherness or the fear of being alone. At the end of each day we only feel hurt and broken inside. I know the feeling too well as I went through that myself.

Image Source: PictureQuotes.com.
Image Source: PictureQuotes.com.

Of course, there’s always the possibility of reconciliations. I love second chances. I love to give and I am grateful to receive. I know that everything positive and sought with love is always uplifting and healing. My mind, which I programmed long ago to only see beauty in the World, is starting to rebel. I must accept fate. I must accept to let go, to never look back and never regret because I gave my best and held on tight until the end.

Today I was reminded by a sibling about a fact I always held to be true. That truth, believe it or not, was the last push I needed to completely free myself from the bondage that I have been living in. I am accepting the things I cannot change; however, I will distance myself from and no longer tolerate them.

“I have learned that to be with those I like is enough.” — Walt Whitman

Being with people who have our happiness at heart and a genuine interest in us is a huge blessing. Self accountability, accepting the things we cannot change and learning from our failures is the greatest remedy to Happiness. Knowing and understanding that as desirable as material things are, they can never replace the joy we feel when surrounded by people who love us. As for me, I hold those I care about close at heart.

Just because we lived a certain way from the start doesn’t mean we should continue living that way. Also, being part of a circle doesn’t mean we must stick together till the end.

It is possible to create beauty from ruins, just like a Phoenix, rising from its ashes.

My Daughter’s First Day of School

JM Perez By JM Perez1 min read492 views

Summer holidays are over and it’s back to school for my kids. My son is heading off to third grade and my daughter to Kindergarten. They are both excited and I am relieved knowing that my daughter feels less anxious having her brother by her side. It is the beginning of a new adventure for my daughter.

Minnie Mouse Backpack.
Minnie Mouse Backpack.

And for raining days …

Minnie Mouse Pink Polka Dots Bow Umbrella.
Minnie Mouse Pink Polka Dots Bow Umbrella.

I helped my daughter find her seat, exchanged a few words with her teacher and reassured my child I would return in a couple of hours to pick her up. To ease the separation anxiety between the kids and their parents, the teacher had activities ready for the kids and other fun stuff.

I put the following in her backpack:

  • Hand Sanitizer
  • Kleenex Pocket Pack Tissues
  • Cold and Cough Drops
  • A Bottle of Water
  • “We Love You” Message
  • Notepad and Pencil
  • Healthy and Nutritious Snacks
  • Our Address & Phone Number
  • Sunglasses (100% UV)

She had a good day.
Just like her brother, I know she will do well.

Grief Journey and Support

JM Perez By JM Perez3 min read869 views

The last couple of weeks have been heartbreaking with news of acquaintances passing away. As we scrolled down their social media profiles, I was saddened by a few insensitive comments left by family members, friends and strangers. Right away I could tell the difference between those who have experienced a loss and those who didn’t have a clue about the pain of death, thus writing insensitive and infuriating comments.

I want to believe that those offering their sympathy and best wishes mean well. Oftentimes those comments are misplaced. A simple I am sorry about your lost is enough to comfort the mourner. May the soul of your loved one rest in peace and I am praying for you are very soothing too. What I found comforting was the company of my friends sitting silently by my side ready to break my fall. There are things you just don’t tell someone going through a loss such as:

  • It was their time. Yes, we do understand that. Just don’t remind us.
  • It’s life, accept it and move on. Seriously? Now you are telling people how to feel?
  • Comparing death to God picking the best flower in a garden. If that is such a wonderful thing, why don’t we pray and ask Him to come pick as many beautiful flowers in our garden?
  • Thinking a deceased is happy to be reunited with their predecessors in death. I do not know of anyone who is consciously looking forward to the after life when they have so much to live for.
  • I will personally not tell someone their loved one is in a better place because I do not know that for sure and I cannot explain why dying is better than being here.
Image Source: Symphony of Love.
Image Source: OM.SymphonyOfLove.net.

We must all face loss at some point in Life. My advice to those who have not gone through the pain of death is to fight the urge to say something because everyone else does. When you finally decide to say something, think hard about it before giving it life (is it kind, comforting, soothing, uplifting, insensitive, hurtful, infuriating?) Choose your words carefully and be mindful that the family is hurting and might be reading your comments.
To those who mourn, I recommend you reach out to someone you trust and get some help. Even though the road to acceptance and letting go seems endless; you will experience peace once again.

“In the absence of uplifting words, Silence is the best choice.” ― Joan Ambu

Respect for the Departed Legacy

I don’t know if it’s neglect from family members or some kind of sick trend to have deceased individuals on social media (still accepting friend requests as well as taking part in various discussions).

  • Honor them by promptly deleting their social media accounts
  • Do not share pictures of their final days (those should be kept private)
  • If you must, express thoughts of love rather than insensitive comments
  • Honor the family request for privacy
  • Respect the families way of expressing grief
  • Assist surviving family members if you can
  • Send Prayers to the bereaved family

Our own fear of dying is turning some of us into individuals who honor the dead far more than the living. Go to funerals or just look around you to witness the hypocrisy. Often times, those who care less about each other when they are alive are the first ones to paint a beautiful picture about their relation to the departed. It is shameful and sickening.
In addition to the hypocrisy, there are countless more reasons why some cultures are against open casket and never display their loved ones bodies at funerals. Sometimes enemies are present at funerals, which is very disrespectful to the departed who can no longer fight for themselves. Be the voice of the silent person.

“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” – Benjamin Franklin

Love people while they are still alive because they will appreciate it better than someone in a helpless state. They need it more than the dead.

Choose to Love.

A Box of Surprises

JM Perez By JM Perez1 min read511 views

Since I moved to the High Desert of California, I have been amazed by what I have crowned “celebrating forward.” You know, celebrating seasons months in advance (or all year round) especially when the event is not here yet.

This year is no different as I saw Christmas lights and decorations up while driving around today. I loved it. It lifts us up with anticipation and awakens in us the spirit of gratitude and love. We are grateful and excited to celebrate Christmas with Family and Friends. Here at my house we are holding off on putting up the Christmas tree and decorations until the second week of December.

This afternoon my husband found a surprise in the mail box. The package, full of Christmas supplies, was from one of our wonderful neighbors. It had everything from colorful gift wraps, a Dream Catcher ornament, calendars, Christmas cards (with over a hundred different designs of unique cards) and a stocking.

The simple, yet beautiful Native American Indian Christmas Holiday Stocking is made of felt with a Southwestern feel.

SouthWestern Stocking.
Southwestern Christmas Stocking.

Assorted gift wrapping papers and Dream Catcher with Holly ornament.

Christmas Gift Wraps.
Christmas Gift Wraps and Dream Catcher Ornament.

I am grateful for the little things which have great effect on the mind.

Love is the only true Gift that keeps on giving.

Wishing you all a blessed Thanksgiving week.

Farewell, Maya Angelou (1928 – 2014)

JM Perez By JM Perez1 min read919 views

“What I would really like said about me is that I dared to love. By love I mean that condition in the human spirit so profound it encourages us to develop courage and build bridges, and then to trust those bridges and cross the bridges in attempts to reach other human beings.” – Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou (1970, San Francisco, California).
Maya Angelou (1970, San Francisco, California).
Photo Credit: © Bettmann/Corbis.

“You are the sum total of everything you’ve ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot – it’s all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive.” – Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou.
Maya Angelou.

“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” – Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou (1993).
Maya Angelou (1993).

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou.
Maya Angelou.

Rest in Peace, Maya Angelou. You will be dearly missed.