Finding Contentment in Every Situation
Finding Contentment in Every Situation
By JM Perez“For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
Happy Thanksgiving!
By JM Perez By JM Perez“Never judge a stranger by its clothes.” — Zachary Taylor
I have heard people saying that Covid-19 brings out the worst in many people. We’ve all seen it or been victimized by it. From bullying, discrimination, to racism, you name it. I personally do not think the pandemic is to be blamed; I believe many people are simply using it to reveal their true personalities, to be true to themselves. What I have noticed the most, is the filth some people live in and the filth some of those individuals impose on others.
On Tuesday for instance, I watched as a child from a parked car ahead of me dropped a water bottle out the window and the grandmother acted like it was the norm. I quickly grabbed my phone and took a picture of the bottle and the license plate. Today, I watched as the child and her father exited the car, and the child dropped a small ziploc bag next to a stop sign. The father too, acted like it was acceptable, even as he saw me.
Unless told and thought otherwise, that child will grow to behave exactly like her parents and be stuck in an endless cycle of bad behavior.
I have seen many filthy individuals and I thought I had seen it all, until a few months ago, in August. One family moved into the neighborhood a few years ago and have been working hard to make the place to their liking (trash, bad odor, weed, dead trees, an uncontrolled dog that jumped a six foot fence into our backyard multiple times, and so much more). During their first week, they introduced weed to the neighborhood and by the end of that year they gifted us mosquitos from a filthy standing water they didn’t care to drain.
At first I thought they were perhaps coming from a disassembled community and didn’t know better. One afternoon on the second week of August, I decided to close a window in the patio that I had opened earlier that morning. I saw the neighbor’s husband of his roof, looking into my property as if he was searching for something. He looked all around him and then looked into my property one more time before walking towards his chimney. From there he unzipped his pants and urinated on his chimney; you could clearly see the stream of urine running through the chimney. Thinking that I may be seeing things, I called my son, who saw it too. Once he was done, he wiped his hands on his shirt and started cleaning pine needles off his roof. I don’t know why he chose to expose himself in such a lewd manner.
I was grossed out. How can someone defile his own property? I remembered how after each rain fall, I could smell the stench of urine, while walking in my backyard. It made no sense to me. I began thinking about the people I shook hands with in the past, the people I hired for some home repairs, the tools we borrowed from other neighbors when we just moved in, etc. I stopped shaking hands with people four years ago, opting for verbal greetings and sometimes a small bow. My kids know not to shake hands with anyone.
“Hygiene is two thirds of health.” — Lebanese Proverb
I understand that depending on our jobs, we cannot be clean at all times; however, there are things we shouldn’t do either like, shaking hands, sharing items, touching things in common surfaces (faucets, door handles, light switches, electronics, and other commonly shared things), etc. Washing our hands as soon as we can and as often as we can with soap and water, or using hand sanitizer is one of the best things we can do for ourselves.
Be cautious around everyone and always practice cleanliness.
By JM Perez By JM PerezMother Nature blessed us with some much needed rain yesterday. It poured and it poured and it poured, and I am sure, every living thing in the High Desert was grateful. There is nothing good about being in a drought, and it’s been a very long time since we had rain. That rainfall was really good. In some areas of my property, the soil is still wet.
The Elm trees as well as the Pomegranate tree leaves have changed color and are now falling off. The Hameln Dwarf Fountain Grass are producing abundant pinkish brown flowers while the foliage are beginning to turn yellow.
The Agave Ovatifolia are fast growing and reproducing rapidly. The parent plant is quite large now and the first offsets which were separated from the parent plant are creating their own pups. The Pine Cone Cactus have produced many branches and are growing nicely.
The Dragon’s Blood Sedum, Crassula Muscosa and Sedeveria are thriving.
The Salvia Greggii ‘Red’ below is one of the many Salvia Greggii I am growing as trees in the backyard. I am letting those in the front yard grow as bushes.
Asparagus densiflorus ‘Myers’ is such an amazing evergreen perennial; not so much drought tolerant, but frost tolerant. I have a set of three, which I bought four years ago and they are left outdoor all year round.
Working in my garden brings me so much joy. It provides comfort and solace, and I cherish every moment of peace and reflection there. I hope the rain returns soon.
Happy gardening!
By JM Perez By JM PerezIt’s October, the weather is cooling down and still not a drop of rain in some parts of the High Desert. In the midst of everything, I am still grateful to Mother Nature. The winds are picking up and allergies will soon be on the rise …
I haven’t done much gardening lately; however, strolling through my front and backyard yard, I catch a glimpse of beauties here and there. My Hybrid Tea Tree Rose Rio Samba isn’t doing so well. I have had it for over ten years now, and it was doing well until last year; I suspected curl grubs and other soil pests and took care of it. A couple of weeks ago I was pleasantly surprised to see a couple of buds emerging from the trunk, and last week one of the buds bloomed.
The Crassula capitella I propagated through cuttings a couple of months ago are covered in white flower buds atop the stems. I am looking forward to seeing those buds open up.
I spotted a very small White Moth resting on the leaf of a Gopher Plant; possibly Cataclysta Lemnata, also known as Small China-mark. According to The Bay Magazine Swansea, their larvae develop underwater, after which the caterpillars feed on duckweed and live underneath the tiny plants floating on the surface of ponds and lakes. In order to disguise themselves, Small China Mark caterpillars fashion tube-like silken cases for themselves which they cover in duckweed, rendering them all but invisible.
Sunsets in the High Desert never cease to amaze me. Below is an image of the sun shining through a gap between the clouds while setting. It’s simply beautiful.
According to GeographyReal.com, as air descends, it increases in temperature, a process known as adiabatic warming or heating. That effect of descending air being warmer and drier is what created gaps in cloud coverage.
A couple of week ago, at sunrise, the sun was orange-red due to smoke particles in the sky blown from various wildfires.
Happy new month and happy gardening.
By JM Perez By JM Perez“I must respect the opinions of others even if I disagree with them.”
― Herbert H. Lehman
The mean to an end
Among my siblings, I was the only one who was not physically abused, and I am not sure why. I can assure you, however, that I received the most verbal and perhaps psychological abuse. I was constantly compared to other kids, belittled especially around my friends and when I would shed a tear, my father would say “Cesse tes larmes de crocodile” (stop your crocodile tears). Before life became hellish, when I would ask for transportation money, he would give me around 1,500 cfa for an entire month and would sometimes say “Tu me coûtes trop cher/ tu commences à me coûter trop cher!” (you cost me too much/you are starting to cost me too much). At some point I just stopped asking because it was just ridiculous. I didn’t try to beg, there was no use in begging. I understood that I wasn’t in his plans and respected his opinions. When it came to us, my father never gave out of love or duties, there always was a high price to pay for everything. He would do something good for one of us, and then turn around and boast to the others as if he did something no other person had ever done.
Healing through forgiveness
I was lucky and blessed with amazing friends, whose parents always regarded me as their own. Many of my dear friends, without ever knowing, stood by me and comforted me. I was never alone. I was never ashamed or afraid to ask for help or to seek counseling, and I received invaluable advice. In the end, I knew I had to forgive my father in order to move on and believe me, had I not done it, my life would have been in shamble.
I have prayed for my father and I am still praying for him. I took a leap of faith a few times, opening up to him and allowing him around me, just for me to be victimized again and again. With my father it has always been his way or the highway; he always wanted us to support him, even when he knew he was wrong. He does not like confrontation or peaceful conversations and as of now, he has refused every form of dialogue. He has blocked all the mediators and those who can rebuke him.
“Claim your loved ones in Jesus name so that their path will be true and safe.” ― Joan Ambu
Be kind to people, especially to your families and your children. Be available to your children and develop unshakeable trust to prevent them from falling into traps or feeling miserable.
My sister had many friends, some of which were bad influences. Had our father not locked her out of the house one afternoon when she returned home, maybe she would have led a different life. It was raining heavily that day, and he locked the gate and left her outside (he did the same thing to my Mother while she was pregnant with my sister and also while my Mother was pregnant with me). That evening, while being rained on and having nowhere to go, my sister met someone whom she ended up loving with every fiber of her being; this person, ended up betraying her in the most despicable way when she needed him most. Everything is detailed in her diary, which I will be publishing too.
Had our father not done that, and many other things, my sister would have been well balanced and she would have not met such individuals. Let’s be kind to others and treat one another as we would like to be treated (Matthew 7:12).
“Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment.” ― Lao Tzu
I always tell people to know themselves because if we truly know ourselves, then we can avoid unfortunate situations. I am not without fault, but I didn’t make some of the mistakes that kids do (stealing, sneaking out of the house, sleeping around, smoking, and much more). I never failed a single class and I was obedient. I know I have ‘a big mouth’, and I can’t remain silent in the face of injustice. I only speak of what I have seen, experienced and heard. This is my story, summarized for you. I never pitied myself because I was loved by so many and I am loved still. I am one of the happiest people you will ever meet and I enjoy helping others. I know who I am and I know my worth.
From a very young age, I figured out that my father was not a normal person. He was extremely kind to strangers and extremely wicked towards us. The aim was to act in a way that no one would believe us, should we ever complain about the way he treated us. Sure enough, no one believed us; not because they trusted him, but because he was so good at being bad. Our successes were his and our failures were our Mother’s. We were nothing to him and we are still nothing to him, it was always about controlling to make himself feel important. My father lacks empathy; when we almost lost brother number 1 in 1997, it didn’t matter to our father. Early in 1998, brother number 3 climbed up a mango tree and fell to the ground, barely escaping death. When my Mother told our father about it, he said, “Why didn’t he just die?”
My father is extremely manipulative and his preferred power moves are: Pressure, shaming, blaming, and guilt trips. About four years ago or so he sent us a collective message the second week of December, demanding that we should send him a Mercedes by the end of that year (we had less than two weeks to comply). We just ignored him. If my father wants something that he cannot have, he will make sure that no one else gets it. He has tried for so many years to seize my Mother’s properties and when he couldn’t succeed, he convinced my maternal cousins that one of the properties belonged to their deceased mother (it almost created serious problems within the family). This is how evil my father is; even when he sees tangible proof, he refuses to accept it and distorts the truth. We have always hoped that in time, he will become more caring and honest, but it’s just the opposite.
“Love doesn’t die a natural death. Love has to be killed, either by neglect or narcissism.” — Frank Salvato.
When my father spoke of 17 years of crimes I committed against him, I was speechless.
I forgave him, totally and completely. I had to, in order to survive. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean submitting to the same wrong and hurt. I am not looking back because there is nothing left there for me. The Bible commands us to obey our parents in the Lord and for our fathers not to exasperate us (Ephesians 6:1-4). We should obey our parents in the Lord (only), meaning obedience in all things that are right, unless it violates God’s words.
To my father, I urge you to change your ways for your sake. You want to see your own children fail at all cost, you want us to be miserable because you cannot find happiness. Do you think any of my brothers trust you or support you in your delusions? Have any of them agreed yet to have my blood on their hands? Do you think they have forgotten what you did to them? You drove my sister from the house, kicked me out of my room and asked me to move into her room, then the next day you kicked my Mother from your room and asked her to move into mine. Was your plan to come and kill me quietly, without anyone witnessing, and then act surprised? What you did early that morning, sir, is referred to as a “crime” and exposing your evil deeds to your bosses and anyone who could help us is referred to as “complaints.”
For the past twenty-four years, you have been unable to list just one crime I committed against you; even when the Pastor asked you, you said ‘She did nothing wrong’. Were my crimes perhaps surviving? Knowing too many of your dark secrets? You not being promoted to the rank of General because the wrong daughter died? Isn’t it enough that you emptied my sister bank account after hating her so much and not wanting to release her birth certificate? This is my last act of kindness to you; all manipulation and intimidation end here. You have no rights over my life; it doesn’t belong to you, and it doesn’t even belong to me. The following is part of what you wrote and sent to my Mother: “I will from this day, July 5th 2021, alive or dead, perform my paternal rights and Joan will pay for her seventeen years crimes against me.” If you still believe that you, a sinner, can or have the right to curse me, then once again, I dare you to try. I do not answer to the devil and I do not fear you. I am a child of God and I stand behind Psalm 7. Do what you must, and my God will do what He must.
There is a monster in all of us, however, we can tame it by choosing to love …
Click here for Part 1 and here for Part 2.
By JM Perez
