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The Other Side of Grief

By JM PerezSeptember 3, 20194 min read1.3K views

The past couple of months have been overwhelming to say the least; with the loss of family members, close friends and acquaintances. I held myself back from writing this post, but then, I realized that there’s a side of grief that isn’t spoken of as much as it should. When we speak of grief, most of us solely associate it with death (the physical loss). Here, I am referring not only to the physical loss, but to the mental loss as well. I am referring to the other side of grief, fueled by hatred and vengeance.

There was a woman, who fell in love with her acquaintance husband and eventually married him. The first wife had children with the man and the second wife had a few herself. The first wife took her children and relocated, chose not to get divorced and not to fight for her marriage either. The second wife stayed put, invested and raised her children together with her husband. They stayed together through thick and thin; everything seemed fine, life went on and years went by. One day, the husband died and hell broke loose.

The first wife who had her ears clogged all along returned with a spirit of vengeance, reclaiming everything and anything as much as the law permitted regardless of merits. Was it the right thing to do? Yes and No.

YES – I have put myself in the shoes of the first wife and felt her own pain. You can say she is a victim too. She was betrayed by her friend, who wed her husband and she can go as far as stating that the anger and disappointment kept her away from the man she loved and forced her to raise their children as a single mother (even though the husband was involved in every aspect of their lives). Still, this woman is stuck in the past and cannot seem to move past that point.
NO – Why did the first wife wait until the death of the husband to make a fuss? If she really intended to be out of the picture, she should have stayed out until the end. I am not saying that she wasn’t entitled to anything, but becoming a tyrant is not right. Now it looks like the first wife is working hard to destroy what is left of the second wife (including her surroundings) to compensate for her ‘what could have been.’

“Hate is nothing but a feeling that consumes us all in a moment of despair and sorrow; a moment of regret and envy.” ― Joan Ambu

Thanks to a corrupted system, the second wife looses almost everything. From this point, she receives death threats quite often. Still, she stands tall while raising her children. She counts her blessings; she shows gratitude towards those who stand by her side and remains humble.
Life went on, years went by and this July, she died. With her gone, the other side is trying harder than ever to acquire what the deceased left behind: what doesn’t belong to them. The goal this time is to hurt the deceased’s children. This is where I believe a line has been crossed. This is evil and wrong on many levels.

*“Owning your story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll do” – Brené Brown*

Even though the step-children always knew that their step-mother and older half siblings disliked them, they never reciprocated the feeling; on the contrary, they were kinder. With the loss of their mother the World has become a little darker. Those they thought they could count on have completely given up on them and as I helplessly watch the chaos unfold, my heart aches. The first wife loved her husband so much that she is willing to ruin the lives of his children? It is simply appalling.

Why are the sins of the parents projected on the children? These people didn’t ask to be created and now their fate is being decided by those who should have compassion on them. I am against violence and I always remind people to seek peace and if they prefer to fight, to pick on someone who can fight back.
Everyone loves material things, I do to. However, amassing material things as your sole life purpose is not an indicator of a good life and you have to be a broken soul to think otherwise.
Holding a grudge against someone is not something to be proud about. We are free to forgive a wrong or not, but we must remember that not forgiving in itself is sin. No one has the ability to return to the past and unless we allow ourselves to let go of our hurts and fears in order to move on to better things, we will be stuck there (creating our personal hell).

“We turn evil when we lose our capacity for compassion.” ― Joan Ambu

Remember that hate is not innate and every dog has its day. Always Choose to Love.

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By JM Perez

Life Lessons People

Religion doesn’t lie, people do.

By JM PerezJune 2, 20194 min read557 views

Well, have you ever met a person from a different religion who claims theirs is better than yours? If not, I am sure you have read articles about one religion being more mischievous than the others or some nonsense of the sort.

“Religion doesn’t lie, people do.” — Joan Ambu

I have met all types of people in my life and regardless of what my beliefs are as well as my religion, I have always respected theirs. I am not one to judge a person and when I do, I never condemn a group for the shortcomings of one. I grew up with a lot of Muslim friends and, other than scheduled prayers and a few forbidden food, we were just kids doing what kids enjoy doing.

I met a Muslim woman a couple of years ago whose daughter befriend mine at school. This woman made me question what I thought I knew about her religion. To win my trust, she began by letting me know that Muslims don’t lie and I responded with ‘no religion lies’. She brought her younger daughters to my house and as expected they were amazed, excited, went in every room and had fun with my daughter. The third time we went to their house I realized something was off and made it the last. My kids were always confined in the living room, were denied access to any other parts of the house and her girls were not allowed to share toys with mine (I heard this woman telling two of her daughters to go put their dolls away). When the bathroom was in use and my kids needed to use it, they were denied access to the guest bathroom because it was reserved for important people. Now you would think it was a clean house and that maybe this woman wanted to maintain order; it was however, the opposite.

This woman didn’t share much about herself, but she was an hypocrite who was quick to speak ill of others. She had a few grudges she needed to let out, and I understood even though it wasn’t a nice way to go about it. When, however, she said Mexicans are lazy and fat you know, that was the last straw. This is not by any means a slim and/or fit woman. Her husband and one of her sons are probably the fattest men I have seen so far and a few of her daughters are rapidly getting there. For her to utter those words, knowing that my children are of Mexican descent, was disrespectful and rude. I couldn’t waste a second around someone like that.
Weeks went by and her girls wanted to come and play at my house, but their mother said no, that we should be the ones to go over there. One of the girls innocently repeated what her mother said to my daughter, who calmly replied, ‘no, thank you.’ This woman is not a bad person, she simply lacks knowledge, respect and acceptance.

*“Every time you lie, it brings me a little closer to goodbye.” – Unknown*
*Image source: PictureQuotes.com*

Just a couple of years ago, there was a family of four who lived across from us; they kept to themselves, seemed nice and we were told by their landlord who is a good friend of ours that they are good people and Christians.

A month prior to moving out the masks fell off and their true nature were revealed. I met three of the fours and I was chocked when I realized that all were Machiavellian. They were dishonest, self-aware, extremely self-centered, manipulative, sneaky, ungrateful and would tell out of this world lies to achieve their goals. They blamed everyone else for their misfortune and did not understand why nothing worked out for them. Such people would drive you crazy. I stopped sympathizing and empathizing with them.

“Sometimes it’s not the people who change; it’s the mask that falls off.” — Haruki Murakami

I have friends of different religion than mine who are a little off every now and then. That’s okay as long as we do not become full of ourselves and start belittling others. Judging her based on her repeated actions, you can see how one can quickly come to the conclusion that Muslims are not fun to be around. Her actions do not speak for the other Muslims and we should not put everyone in the same basket. The same goes for Christians and other religions.

As people, as individuals, we should strive to do better and to be our best selves around each other.

“Condemn the offender, not the Religion.” ― Joan Ambu

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By JM Perez

Sefl-Esteem Parenting Strength of The Small Children Education Inspire Life Lessons People

Proving Yourself Right

By JM PerezMay 31, 20192 min read1.5K views

Yesterday we attended the Sixth Graders Award Celebration at my kids school and I was so proud of my son. He has been on honor roll for seven years straight without fail. Every teacher knew my son or at least heard about him; and contrary to students who request a particular teacher, my son was sought out by teachers and he never let himself down.

Last year, I wrote about the injustices he experienced by his former teacher as well as a few classmates. By mid February, I was fed up and informed the school principal that I was filling a complaint against the teacher after contacting the US Department of Education as I strongly believed that my child’s rights had been violated.

The following week, my son was placed in a different classroom with an amazing teacher.

*“Don’t do it to prove them wrong. Do it to prove yourself right.”*
*Image source:* *FearlessMotivation.com*

Of course I know my children are geniuses, still, I told my son not to worry about what anyone thinks and just be the best he can be. He listened to his new teacher, followed instructions, kept studying hard and it paid off. Nothing changed in his routine and he proved himself right. Prior to giving him an award, his teacher said, this is a kid who came to me toward the end of the school year and described him as “very respectful, polite, kind, helpful and takes his work seriously.”
You should have seen his former teacher’s guilty face when he received his certificates. She put on a forced smile, couldn’t look straight and didn’t applaud when he was mentioned. As long as he proved her wrong, it was all good.

Talk to your children and encourage them on a daily basis. Teach them and make sure they understand right from wrong to avoid embarrassing and unfortunate situations. Don’t sit still when it comes to their rights; you are not alone (even if others make you feel that way). No one is above the law. Speak up and reach out.

I didn’t get rid of my files, I just moved them aside. If I hear about another student being victimized by this female teacher, I will go ahead and file the complain against her and against the school as well since it is known that she abuses her powers and yet nothing has been done to right the wrong.

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By JM Perez

Parenting Strength of The Small Children Education Inspire Life Lessons People

Toxic Teachers: The Silent Bullies

By JM PerezOctober 12, 20186 min read2K views

When the bully oppresses you without using words …

Child abuse just doesn’t happen at home. It happens everywhere, especially at schools and from the individuals you would suspect the least: teachers. It seems to be a growing trend lately. Teachers, the silent bullies. These abuses are not limited to assaults, public humiliation, unfair grades, isolation, discrimination, etc. Bullies are finding new methods to upgrade their game and it is our duty as parents to be watchful.

For the first time in the eight years that my son has attended an elementary school, he is dealing with a teacher who doesn’t like him and who is trying her best to fail him wherever and whenever possible. My son doesn’t slack off and has always been an A student for the past 7 years (above grade level). Every single one of his previous teachers had nothing but good thoughts and best wishes for him. This year, he’s met someone who wants to break his spirit: Mrs. Diaz.

I remember a few years back, when teachers would either call a parent with concerns or send a note home. Things were really good then because of the ongoing communication. Now, some teachers think they can toy with our children just because, you know, they have some authority over our children while we are not watching. My kids are extremely respectful and their greatest flaw is that they are perfectionists and sometimes too smart for their own good. I have an accent due to the fact that I went through a French education system and I have always encourage my children to correct me whenever my pronunciation is off.

A couple of weeks ago, during parent-teacher conference, I realized that my son’s teacher is holding a grudge against him for correcting her in front of the whole class. Mind you, she didn’t bring the issue up until I asked about his behavior in class to which she responded, “he’s rude to me, correcting me all the time.” This is a woman who says she doesn’t believe in punishment, yet she doesn’t hesitate to sanction my son based on her mood of the day. Of course, I apologized and asked why I wasn’t notified of it. I instructed my son right there to stop correcting her. She went on bragging about working towards her master’s degree and her years of teaching. She made the mistake of telling us a story about refusing to help a former student who used to be rude to her. Red flag! Did this woman just tell me she will ruin my son’s life if he keeps on correcting her? Is this behavior acceptable to anyone? For a school with bad ratings and extremely low rankings, these are the type of teachers they hire? Are they just out to destroy our children? And we wonder why our children are struggling so much! Go figure!

Pulling someone down will never help you reach the top.

This school strongly believes that the bad behavior of a single student should tarnish the entire class. The school seems to take pride in this strange idea. The principal says he doesn’t agree with it; however, he told me straight out “I can’t do that” when I suggested he could advice his teachers to stop penalizing the whole class for the behavior of one student. He doesn’t agree, yet he let’s it slide? This is abuse!
They threaten students to sit them next to someone they dislike/don’t get along with, if they don’t behave. I know this for sure because I talk to other parents, to other kids and to mine. How do you think these kids will feel toward a classmate who gets them punished every time because of the classmate’s bad behavior? Isn’t this another way of encouraging bullying? Am I missing something here?

Sure, they have fun activities for the kids, none of which really help struggling students to learn, read or write. How about we start listening to parents’ concerns and get those kids some much needed help? What exactly are they celebrating when their school is doing so poorly? 4827th of 5,662 California Public Elementary Schools (rankings for the 2017-18 school year, via SchoolDigger.com). I personally know two parents who took their bright kids out of this school due to discrimination and bad management. Most teachers are great and you can tell teaching is their calling. Others are show-offs who yearn for recognition and play favorites (these are the ones who always look forward to teacher appreciation week).

“Now, we must all fear evil men. But, there is another kind of evil which we must fear most and that is the indifference of good men.” – The Boondock Saints

The thing I despise most at this school (and everywhere else) is the fact that some teachers deny kids their right to use the bathroom and force them to hold it. The idea of maintaining control over kids has gone too far. They will give you excuses such as allowing kids to use the bathroom disrupts the class or that kids just want to go out and play (some probably do). What about when the teachers need to leave? Don’t they go as they please, as often as they please and stay as long as they please?
No excuse gives them the right to put our children’s health at risk. In my daughters class for instance, points are deducted each time (from the group table where the kid seats) whenever a kid from that table leaves to use the bathroom and in other classes, the kids have to move their pin down whenever they go. What if a child develops urinary tract infection, kidney failure from bladder pressure or bowel obstruction, will the school take responsibility? We cannot tell kids when to go and when to hold in waste because that’s not how the body works. This is not right and it’s not a healthy thing to do. This is abuse and neglect.

My kids cannot function properly without water and they need plenty of it throughout the day. At every start of the school year, I make sure their teachers are aware of it. And I also request that they please allow them to use the bathroom whenever they need to. I have seen too many kids covered in waste because their teachers told them to hold it and they couldn’t. I am grateful for my well behaved children, who know to respect their teachers and understand that they are in charge of their own bodies. I have instructed them to politely request to step out when needed and to step out anyway, if their teachers deny them the right to do so. It is their right.

“Educate your children about abusive personalities, to prepare them for the possibility of meeting such people.” – Joan Ambu

I know we are busy as parents, but please, please, take a few minutes every day to talk to your children. Find out about their day, ask if anything good or bad happened at school and how their teachers treat them. Get involved. Many kids are struggling, not because they are not able, but because they are being silently bullied by their teachers and they feel like they have no voice. Be their voice. Be their strength. Fight their fight and win.
I spoke with a few good teachers who want to see change at the school. But when the head is rotten, what do you expect? Good teachers are a school’s greatest asset, they shape and impact student lives. These students, in turn, are what make the school great.

Here are a few red flags you need to pay attention to:

When you raise concern and the teacher ignores you (they are guilty or simply don’t care)
When your child complains about a teacher and begs you not to report ( they are afraid of retaliation)
When the principal has no interested in getting involved (it’s a toxic school)
Bad grades or drop in grades if your child was great (the teacher is discriminating)
Stress, sadness if you had a joyful child (abusive teacher)
Sudden loss of interest in everything (verbal, mental and psychological abuse)

I don’t think the school will change unless someone steps in and cleans house. You know birds of a feather flock together. Every end of year the school sends out a form to rate its performance for that year and gives opportunity to parents to tell them what they like, dislike and what changes they would like to see. I thought it was a wonderful idea, unfortunately there hasn’t been a single change or improvement (none that I have seen to date).

People don’t change, they adapt when odds are against them. I urge you parents to talk to your children and file complaints with your districts if the schools are unwilling to work with you. Hopefully a higher authority will rid these toxic schools of their bad seeds.

Update here.

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By JM Perez

Life Lessons People

Dangers of Greed

By JM PerezMay 23, 20172 min read1.3K views

“He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.” ― Socrates

The type of individuals I dislike most in this World are those who believe they are the beginning and the end. Those who, in their sick minds have convinced themselves that they are always right and will bow to no one regardless of the situation. Evils individuals who will go as far as stepping on their target’s head to reach for their goals.

I personally do not think wanting more in life is being greedy. However, when those desires get out of control, they become very dangerous and lead to other sins. When your desires to acquire more blinds you from your purpose in life and the reality of your very existence, then you’ve gone too far.

*“Greed’s worst point is its ingratitude.” — Seneca the Younger*
*Image source: QuoteFancy.com*

Characteristics of greedy people:

Self-centered
Ungrateful
Arrogant
Manipulative
Impatient
Hypocrites
Scheming
Receivers, even at someone else’s expense
Commit fraud for personal gain
Silent killers (gaining strength from someone else’s pain)
Live in the moment (regardless of what lies ahead)

Uncontrollable greed is sin. It destroys relationships, tearing family and friends apart. Greedy people don’t think about the “what ifs”; they are lost in the moment and have fallen so low that they lose touch with their reality.
By wanting and desiring too much, we end up losing everything.