Life Lessons

Not Looking Back

JM Perez By JM Perez3 min read611 views

“When a thing is done, it’s done. Don’t look back. Look forward to your next objective.” — George C. Marshall

While pursuing my graduate degree, I befriend a wonderful person with whom I worked on various projects. During the course of our friendship we shared so much about each other. This person was pleasant all around except when asked about his family. At first it was just a “there’s nothing much to say about my family.” Being naive at the time and not quite grasping his point, I asked again a month later and he told me his story. He was in a much better place.

As sad as it may be, some people are born into the wrong family. When the environment becomes toxic, when you feel like you are running out of oxygen, when your life seems to be on a timer around such individuals and life presents you with some challenging circumstances, it’s time to move on.

A good family is essential to an individual’s well-being. Family is wonderful when everyone comes together in a loving way and lift each other up. Unfortunately not everyone is lucky enough to be born into one. No one should waste their time pleasing others for the sake of togetherness or the fear of being alone. At the end of each day we only feel hurt and broken inside. I know the feeling too well as I went through that myself.

Image Source: PictureQuotes.com.
Image Source: PictureQuotes.com.

Of course, there’s always the possibility of reconciliations. I love second chances. I love to give and I am grateful to receive. I know that everything positive and sought with love is always uplifting and healing. My mind, which I programmed long ago to only see beauty in the World, is starting to rebel. I must accept fate. I must accept to let go, to never look back and never regret because I gave my best and held on tight until the end.

Today I was reminded by a sibling about a fact I always held to be true. That truth, believe it or not, was the last push I needed to completely free myself from the bondage that I have been living in. I am accepting the things I cannot change; however, I will distance myself from and no longer tolerate them.

“I have learned that to be with those I like is enough.” — Walt Whitman

Being with people who have our happiness at heart and a genuine interest in us is a huge blessing. Self accountability, accepting the things we cannot change and learning from our failures is the greatest remedy to Happiness. Knowing and understanding that as desirable as material things are, they can never replace the joy we feel when surrounded by people who love us. As for me, I hold those I care about close at heart.

Just because we lived a certain way from the start doesn’t mean we should continue living that way. Also, being part of a circle doesn’t mean we must stick together till the end.

It is possible to create beauty from ruins, just like a Phoenix, rising from its ashes.

Grief Journey and Support

JM Perez By JM Perez3 min read868 views

The last couple of weeks have been heartbreaking with news of acquaintances passing away. As we scrolled down their social media profiles, I was saddened by a few insensitive comments left by family members, friends and strangers. Right away I could tell the difference between those who have experienced a loss and those who didn’t have a clue about the pain of death, thus writing insensitive and infuriating comments.

I want to believe that those offering their sympathy and best wishes mean well. Oftentimes those comments are misplaced. A simple I am sorry about your lost is enough to comfort the mourner. May the soul of your loved one rest in peace and I am praying for you are very soothing too. What I found comforting was the company of my friends sitting silently by my side ready to break my fall. There are things you just don’t tell someone going through a loss such as:

  • It was their time. Yes, we do understand that. Just don’t remind us.
  • It’s life, accept it and move on. Seriously? Now you are telling people how to feel?
  • Comparing death to God picking the best flower in a garden. If that is such a wonderful thing, why don’t we pray and ask Him to come pick as many beautiful flowers in our garden?
  • Thinking a deceased is happy to be reunited with their predecessors in death. I do not know of anyone who is consciously looking forward to the after life when they have so much to live for.
  • I will personally not tell someone their loved one is in a better place because I do not know that for sure and I cannot explain why dying is better than being here.
Image Source: Symphony of Love.
Image Source: OM.SymphonyOfLove.net.

We must all face loss at some point in Life. My advice to those who have not gone through the pain of death is to fight the urge to say something because everyone else does. When you finally decide to say something, think hard about it before giving it life (is it kind, comforting, soothing, uplifting, insensitive, hurtful, infuriating?) Choose your words carefully and be mindful that the family is hurting and might be reading your comments.
To those who mourn, I recommend you reach out to someone you trust and get some help. Even though the road to acceptance and letting go seems endless; you will experience peace once again.

“In the absence of uplifting words, Silence is the best choice.” ― Joan Ambu

Respect for the Departed Legacy

I don’t know if it’s neglect from family members or some kind of sick trend to have deceased individuals on social media (still accepting friend requests as well as taking part in various discussions).

  • Honor them by promptly deleting their social media accounts
  • Do not share pictures of their final days (those should be kept private)
  • If you must, express thoughts of love rather than insensitive comments
  • Honor the family request for privacy
  • Respect the families way of expressing grief
  • Assist surviving family members if you can
  • Send Prayers to the bereaved family

Our own fear of dying is turning some of us into individuals who honor the dead far more than the living. Go to funerals or just look around you to witness the hypocrisy. Often times, those who care less about each other when they are alive are the first ones to paint a beautiful picture about their relation to the departed. It is shameful and sickening.
In addition to the hypocrisy, there are countless more reasons why some cultures are against open casket and never display their loved ones bodies at funerals. Sometimes enemies are present at funerals, which is very disrespectful to the departed who can no longer fight for themselves. Be the voice of the silent person.

“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” – Benjamin Franklin

Love people while they are still alive because they will appreciate it better than someone in a helpless state. They need it more than the dead.

Choose to Love.

A House Divided Cannot Stand

JM Perez By JM Perez2 min read2.5K views

“I do not love my National Team because they do something for me. I love them because they represent me; therefore, my faithfulness towards them will always be true.” — Joan Ambu

What a good Soccer Game today. Congrats Confederação Brasileira de Futebol.

I have barely missed a Game since the beginning of the 2014 FIFA World Cup™. I have cheered for all the Teams, including mine, The Indomitable Lions. As I sat there watching the match between Cameroon and Brazil unfold as well as reading comments on various sites, I was overcome with compassion for my Team.

A House divided against itself cannot stand.  Image Source: The Math Kid.
A House divided against itself cannot stand.
Image Source: The Math Kid.

Without a doubt The Indomitable Lions have been demanding and a few players have shown lack of professionalism on the field. However, it is fair to say that they have been all alone in this 2014 FIFA World Cup from the get-go. The presence of ill-wishers were predominant prior to the beginning of the very first match and the negative energy was overwhelming.

What did we expect? Did we really think they would give 100% to a Nation who is strongly praying and cheering for their downfall? We love the Team when they are at their best and reject them when they are down on their knees. We should be ashamed for not supporting our Team through thick and thin. They had nothing to fight for, nothing to Win for. They’ve made mistakes to which they will answer for (if there is anything to answer for); however, their failure as a Team does not justify our behavior towards them. We should know better and do better.

“Your Nationality or any other Affiliation isn’t written on your forehead or any visible part of your body. It is shown by the way you Pride Yourself.” — Joan Ambu

What have we done for our Country as individuals? We are only good at pointing fingers when things don’t go the way we expect. Then seize the opportunity to ridicule ourselves Worldwide through pitiful videos, rude and insulting comments. Everyone is quick at judging, quick at giving up and yet no one seems to have a solution. I am ashamed to be part of a Nation of hypocrites and Self-Haters.

We are either in all the way with our National Team or we are out. There are no in-betweens, no excuses and no conditions. What does not construct destroys and I doubt that the Almighty God in whom I believe will ever bless a Nation of hypocrites. There is a time for everything and Life is not about winning. We are here to do good while we live, Love, Learn and refrain from making the same mistakes.

There are issues within The Indomitable Lions team, which I pray will be resolved.

“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” ― Winston Churchill

The Power of Positivity

JM Perez By JM Perez2 min read722 views

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” – Lucille Ball

I have been enjoying the presence of my Mother for a month now and I can’t begin to explain the peace and serenity surrounding us. Unlike her past visits, this one has been awakening as she finally was able to connect a few dots together on her own. She said I have changed and turned into a more compassionate being.

I smiled at her and simply told her that my attitude has changed because I am in a constant state of gratitude.
I trust myself. I weigh my words before releasing them. There are some situations which cause us to point fingers, judging others and question their choices. As I explain to my children who constantly ask so many questions, before you venture into the judgmental arena, always put yourself in your opponent shoes. Those individuals who go through body modification (scarification, extreme tattooing, piercing, implant and so much more), skin bleaching/whitening most likely do not feel that their current bodies define them.

When people no longer wish to embrace the body they are in, we should understand that something isn’t necessarily wrong with them and move on. It is not our place to judge anyone because we do not agree with their choices. What we do, feel and think is right, may not be right to someone else and that’s the nature of Life. Paul H Dunn  said Happiness is a journey, not a destination; happiness is to be found along the way not at the end of the road, for then the journey is over and it’s too late. Living in the moment is what we should all thrive to do.

The Things You Take For Granted, Someone Else is Praying For.
Image Source: SearchQuotes.com.

While you are busy hating, judging, blaming, cursing someone or just being negative; someone somewhere is dying, fighting for their life, perhaps wishes they could be loved. Worst, while you’re being negative, life is passing you by, you make yourself miserable and those individuals you dislike continue to live their best life. Hatred will never grow anything but hatred while Love will grow more Love.

There is tremendous Power in Positivity and it can only come through when we decide to stop placing too much emphasis on the third person. Unless we are true to ourselves and hold ourselves accountable for our own mistakes and stop making excuses, unless we put an end to futile redundancies and embrace the body we live in, we will cease to enjoy Life and see beauty in the World.

Our days on Earth are numbered; thus, we must focus on ourselves.

“Be yourself—everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde

Farewell, Maya Angelou (1928 – 2014)

JM Perez By JM Perez1 min read918 views

“What I would really like said about me is that I dared to love. By love I mean that condition in the human spirit so profound it encourages us to develop courage and build bridges, and then to trust those bridges and cross the bridges in attempts to reach other human beings.” – Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou (1970, San Francisco, California).
Maya Angelou (1970, San Francisco, California).
Photo Credit: © Bettmann/Corbis.

“You are the sum total of everything you’ve ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot – it’s all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive.” – Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou.
Maya Angelou.

“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” – Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou (1993).
Maya Angelou (1993).

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou.
Maya Angelou.

Rest in Peace, Maya Angelou. You will be dearly missed.